Here we are, it is June. Almost the end of the financial year...almost Raine's birthday, almost our Winter Wellness Challenge, almost our first open CrossFit competition, almost Bali time.
Unfortunately we also have four weeks to find a new home.
So here I am, under the pump. To write, mother, train, run this business of ours, look flawless, be flawless, be calm and support every single member that we have as well as all of my friends...I may be putting just a little pressure on myself. Haha.
I seem to stop writing often. When things are going really well or when things are going really shit, or in this case when I just have all the feels. Let me set the scene.
Today I woke up at about 6.30am, I use the term "woke up" rather loosely as a co-sleeping mumma, I'm often breastfeeding all through the hours we "sleep". Eric had probably only just left to run down to the gym as he had a class to run at 7am and we only have one car. Reefy was rather clingy this morning so I had too pee with him sitting on my lap and hold him whilstI got dressed...challenging, but I was up for it. I then carried the sleepy big two to the car and made a quick stop for coffee before meeting my man and my CrossFit tribe at 8am.
Saw my mum and Nick (the ex husband & Riv's dad) took the big two for a skate/play/cups of peas. We were just leaving the gym at 10.30am when we noticed our back tire was completely flat. All the kids and I waited while E changed our tire (the car is only 6 months new and there was a screw in it) and then we again stopped for coffee and health food store sushi* before inspecting four houses in Frankston North & Seaford.
We drove further to Mornington's Store Fifteen and then had a huge park play before driving past home and all the way to Vegie Bar. A delicious meal bought us back home where we did a bit of a clean up and popped Inside Out on as family movie night. 
As Eric and myself were feeling emotionally and physically drained after a biiiiiig week, I showered with Reefy, having such stunning and soulful eye gazing whilst feeding him, and then E took him off to bed. I have watched the movie with the big two and tried unsuccessfully to put them to bed...it's 8.15pm, I am two glasses of red wine down and just feel cranky.
It is frustrating when your almost-threenager refuses to listen to any thing you say but simultaneously desperately needs you to carry her and be touching her in loving affection at.all.times. Unless she is screaming in which case, you just stand there trying to block your ears. In my opinion, "terrible twos" is completely made up. My kids have been pretty damn good up until almost three. Three & four year olds suck the majority of the time if you are a full time parent. My children seem to have inherited my feel-things-fiercely personality, oh yay for us all.
Our now five year old River is going through a much better phase, of being far more connected and able to behave however, he is so emotional and truly believes the world revolves around him. I try so hard to remember:
Big emotions need big hugs, not big consequences
And just like that River and Raine are asleep. They currently share a queen sized bed on the floor, and when we move I believe they will receive a bunk bed! 
Things you will find on this blog:

• attachment, peaceful parenting (yet honest) stories
• fitness, CrossFit and health related rambles, with occasional inspiration
• nutrition not limited to but mainly about vegan food, baby led weaning and a whole food diet
• breastfeeding stories, musings and rants...I have been breastfeeding non-stop for over five years, tandem feeding River & Raine, then Raine & Reef. Both weaned at 2years and 7months
• glimpses of my history with depression, post partum depression, anxiety and an ED though I believe I am currently well clear and have decided not to dwell on these feelings 
• yoga, AcroVinyasa and hopefully some nude yoga stories ;)
• how we live mostly plastic free & possibly environmental themes
• how we manage to work full time and raise our kids full time

My promise is to be 100% true to myself and to practice what I preach day in and out.
Currently everyone is crying because River needed to pee and decided to run through the house yelling at the top of his lungs. Fingers crossed I get to bed before 10pm.

*the ONLY sushi I will buy is from Eastfield

This time last year I participated in the CrossFit Open at 32 weeks pregnant. My best friend was in her first (?) trimester. We achieved some PB's and felt comfortable scaling the WODs or workouts to suit our needs. There is no doubt in my mind that each and every CrossFit workout can be tailored to suit anyone.

Here is what you need to know if you plan on competing during your pregnancy.

Contraindications (when to seek medical advice):

Relative

• Severe anaemia
• Unevaluated maternal cardiac dysrhythmia
• Chronic bronchitis
• Poorly controlled type 1 diabetes
• Extreme morbid obesity
• Extreme underweight or eating disorder
• History of extremely sedentary lifestyle
• Intrauterine growth restriction
• Poorly controlled hypertension
• Orthopaedic limitations
• Poorly controlled seizure disorder
• Poorly controlled hyperthyroidism
• Heavy smoker
• History of spontaneous abortion or premature labour
• Anaemia or iron deficiency (hb < 100g/L)
• Twin pregnancy after the 28th week

Absoloute

• Hemodynamically significant heart disease
• Restrictive lung disease
• Incompetent cervix
• Multiple gestation at risk for premature labour
• Persistent 2nd or 3rd trimester bleeding
• Placenta previa after 26weeks
• Premature labour
• Ruptured membranes
• Pre-eclampsia/pregnancy-induced hypertension

Considerations

• Gradually increase activity from sedentary level
• Avoid contact sports, sports/activities that cause balance loss or trauma
• Avoid exercising in the supine position after the 1st trimester to prevent venous obstruction
• Avoid valsalva movement (vigorous breathing) & isometric muscle actions

All of my athletes are advised to tune into their own body. Each woman is so different, and dare I say each pregnancy can be so different too!

Hydration is extremely important now (Aussie summer/autumn) and when bub comes, even more so for the breastfeeding athlete, yes ladies it CAN be done ;)

Please train with an experienced coach xx

sares@crossfitcroydon.com.au
423 618 308

Nothing like the last day of summer (and the month) to inspire me to write.
February was a blur, of goals and the wedding, byron bliss and straight back in to the hustle life. The wedding was the best day of my life, it was so perfect. It felt like the hard work had paid off...that we were able to celebrate our love in a supportive environment and (almost) everyone that came was so happy for us and so cherished by us. I feel like not only did I become part of E's family but that our friends became a lot more like family too.
So since coming back, we have agreed that we dislike being called "crazy". Just because literally no one else is game enough to do what we do, does not make us crazy. What we are is so focused on and passionate about what we do. My secret is that there is NOT a lot of money in the fitness industry IF you maintain your integrity. See, most people do not practice what they preach. It's easy to run bootcamps and tell people they are fat and they need to do bootcamp while you, yourself restrict your diet and never do any bootcamp classes. It's easy to sell products when you ignore the label and are promised incentives like shiny Audi cars. It's easy to not care about whether your members are training.
What is not easy is buying organic and environmentally friendly products for your gym and making sure there is a recycling bin, it is not promoting plastic bottled water even through it's cheap advertising. It is exhausting making sure to contact every athlete each week and to help people find motivation again when they skip classes. It is gut wrenching when people tell you they cant train anymore for whatever reason and you know that the person will leave with a ginormous chunk of your heart. It is not easy to be invested in your athletes goals and achievements so much more than your own.
However, it is so fucking WORTH IT. Because while most nights I go to bed worrying about all the stuff I have to do that I didn't do, I go to bed knowing we haven't sold out. We have maintained our integrity in each and every step of creating and owning this business. We are painfully honest and upfront with everything, including our goals and training achievements.
Most business coaches believe that you cannot be a successful CrossFit box owner and be a competitive athlete...well it may take a few years but I know E is going to break that stereotype. Most believe that you cannot work full time and parent full time without a nanny or day care...well we have completely smashed that stereotype out of the park!
We are not crazy, we are driven. As my gorgeous best bish says "you do it because you have to" and I am lucky enough that I can let my girlfriends know when I am struggling...they motivate me, inspire me to keep my head up.

Something I have not been completely honest about is the extreme lows occurring since having Reef. After I had River, writing became a way for me to move through post-partum depression. I was able to write about how much I loved being a mother, yes how hard it was, but I was also able to convey the joy it bought me...this helped me recover and survive.
Though since having Reef I have written less and less...feeling like my writing was not good enough to share or that it would be too depressing. These have been some extremely hard months, in which I have experienced pain so intense that I did not want to live through it, in which I have felt like a freak, and completely isolated, in which I have had severe panic attacks then walk straight in to a room of people and coach. Some of my athletes confide in me that they have mental illness, many people I know have experienced PPD, depression and anxiety. It is something I do not enjoy talking about, in part that I believe we create our own reality and saying that I am struggling may mean it's all my fault, and in part because I fear rejection. 
I have just finished reading Melissa Ambrossini's Master Your Mean Girl book (https://melissaambrosini.com) and feel inspired to choose love right now over that fear of rejection.
We ALL want to connect to others, to feel unity and support, part of a tribe. So I am speaking out in the hopes that I may connect to you, to let you know you are not alone if you too are struggling. I am also publicly thanking my beautiful girlfriends, friends and husband because I push people away when I get sad and despite this, you all kept loving me.
I have struggled with this illness since I was 10years old and as I approach 30, I feel proud to have survived, not ashamed anymore. If you need immediate help please contact https://www.beyondblue.org.au
Here are my top tips for surviving:

• Eat to nourish your body, not punish it. This includes intuitive eating. After a battle with eating issues I can tell you there is hope for a loving relationship with food.
• Move your body. I train hard because it makes me feel alive, sexy, strong, healthy and whole.
• Fake it until you make it - speak to yourself as if you love yourself, even if you have no idea what this would even look like. I tell myself that I am love, I am abundant, I am thankful and I am worthy. 
• Talk to someone. I have a husband who has given me his heart, and while sometimes I find it hard to accept that love, when we get talking, I feel so much healing power in our conversations.
• Listen to others. We all have struggles, and we all have inspiration. Instead of scrolling through instagram wishing you had this or that, ask someone about their day and their life goals or how they got involved in their current job. 
• Give compliments, accept compliments and don't trash talk anyone, not even the driver who just cut you off ;)

If you would like to share how you increase the positivity in your life, please comment. If you would like to connect further, my email is sares@crossfitcroydon.com.au

Have a great day x

Officially...I am 29 days LATE in writing this blog post. One of my resolutions was to write more blogs and articles, my scrambled brain has other ideas. Most of us have discarded our resolutions for the new year, however CrossFit Croydon is thriving at the moment. We are very impressed with the dedication and resilience of our members, that they are working so hard to move like they love their bodies, eat foods that nourish their activity level, and live a life that is of purpose and passion. My personal training clients are already kicking goals and I am excited to launch a new 6 week program when I return from Byron Bay.
As I sit here typing, Eric is reading the toddlers some stories in their bed and Reef is snoring away in our bed after a team effort to get him to sleep. Melbourne is experiencing a gorgeous roasting summer...and we have no air con...I'd love to say this is my wild hippy self taking a stand for sustainable sources, but we just rent and our land lord sucks. I started this blog ten days ago...Melbourne has been washed out in the last 48hours.
On the 28th Dec last year we crashed our car and in amongst all the effing bills I pay, I forgot to pay insurance. So we have been lucky enough that we have been able to borrow two cars since then and finally we were able to get a new one. The new car is critical as we are driving to Byron Bay...in 17 days...to get married.
Bringing me to the point of my post. How the fluff do I get in "shape" for my wedding?!
Well as a gym owner you may be baffled to know that most of my workouts actually happen in my lounge room or in my bedroom, I usually have at least one child climbing on me or demanding something and that as hard as it may be most of my workouts involve my own body weight and a (child or) fit ball if anything, despite wanting all my strength numbers to go up or desperately wanting to practice drills on the bar or rings.
For some reason no one in our family wants to help out with three children haha.
So today we asked Aunty Maggie to come to the gym so that Eric, myself and two mates could quickly move some weight around and get sweaty without the pressure of taking one to the toilet, appeasing the other ones insatiable appetite, and holding the constantly-in-arms 8month old. I got through about 17minutes of a workout which was a huge win and then fed little man and organised our office area while the boys hit up a row. While daddy coached and I had the kiddos I decided to complete the workout I set my Mummas today. I had Reef climbing on me and Marli (our labrador) eating Raine's dinner whilst I completed:

10 Scap Push Ups
10 Push Up-Arch
!0 4point ipilateral stabilisation
10 Back Support with a leg kick
Then
10 Burpees
20 Jumping Lunges
30 Side Plank knee taps
20 jumping Lunges
10 Burpees

Tonight after putting the kids to sleep, and two glasses of wine, I did some yoga whilst the fiance put Reef's nappies in the wash.
Today I had woken up extremely exhausted after this week; its been emotional, I over indulged in my body weight worth of cider, its been hugely productive, and hugely stressful. I am learning to accept my organised chaotic life as one of beauty....

"I dont think I was built for a love that is comfortable or uncomplicated. There is a restlessness in me that will always be drawn to dark, madly passionate things. The intoxicating highs and devastating lows. The chaos and the conflict." Beau Taplin

Thankyou for joining us here, this special place for women to connect, share the experience of motherhood and life in an unedited way. 
This week you will be introduced to a few of our contributors and over the coming months have access to positive birth stories, the unglamorous act of parenting, health advice and a good laugh, because we cant survive this journey without making light in the darkest of places.
My name is Sarah, or Coach Sares. I have three hippy babes River (4yo), Raine (2yo), and Reef (20weeks) and a very spunky fiance, Eric (E). E and I own CrossFit Croydon, Yoga for everyBODY and CrossFit Mummas. This is our second year running these businesses and we previously owned another CrossFit affiliate  after personal training from GoodLife/Fenix in Mooroolbark, Eastern Victoria. I have a Bachelor of Exercise and Sport Science with majors in Exercise Physiology and Nutrition, hold a CrossFit Level 2 certificate, and my basic yoga teacher training. I plan to further my education this summer (get excited) and again next year but we shall see.
My passion is helping women love themselves and treat their bodies in a loving way, before babies, during pregnancy and while they raise little humans. I have found CrossFit to be empowering and have the best results personally, and I train my clients in a very holistic way.
We are a vegan family, E is a 'contentious consumer', we practice attachment parenting, extended and co-breastfeeding, co-sleeping, cloth nappy-ing, part time elimination communication (EC), baby-led weaning (blw), baby wearing and are currently sending River to a Steiner kindergarden. 
My first birth ended in an emergency cesarean section, I had a beautiful healing home birth (HBAC) with Raine and also had Reef at home with no complications. I have recovered well each time and believe that every mother will have a different experience and should be treated like a goddess during all stages of this journey. 
No topic is off limits here...enjoy!

At 6am this morning Raine came in to my room, I'd been feeding Reef since about 5. We did the toilet run and got back into bed for a feed, Raine on one side, Reef on the other (very painful side). River came in and I knew the day had officially begun.
What I wanted was to get up before the toddlers and do some yoga before having a shower. Instead, I got to diaphragm breathe whilst breastfeeding...thankfully I managed to settle Reef and was able to take Raine to the toilet again, pop the oven on and have a 30second shower with a very demanding audience.
Last night I prepared breakfast:
- sliced apples to cover the bottom of baking dish, water to cover them
- frozen raspberries on top
- covered in oats
- sprinkled with cinnamon
Which was easy to bake for 10mins and serve with coconut milk. Buckinis and chia seeds would have made an excellent topping however our budget has been tight since Bali & Reef's birth. 
Unfortunately I need to get my tax return done before I am eligible for government assistance (paid parental leave). This is most frustrating and another thing I feel anxious about.

Being a mum of three is like being on an island...while friends and family have been incredibly kind and supportive running after toddlers & a newborn is super rough especially when Eric is at work. It will be delightful to get some sort of social life back, especially to see my mother's group! We missed everyone's birthday parties this year :(

Reef is very calm and does sleep a lot, however he also feeds a lot and because of the tongue and lip tie, feeding is painful/exhausting/frustrating. The first two weeks after my milk came in was ridiculous...so much milk, engorgement, constantly leaking porn star boobs. Not even Raine could handle the volume and force of my let down. I haven't fed her much in the last few days as Reef and I have passed thrush back and forth and he has split my nipple. Tandem feeding is amazing but super hard work.

Today I had a client at 8.30am, trained a little at 9am and had another client at 10am. I wish I could crash out I'm so tired...its 1pm.
I am extremely proud that I got everyone dressed, fed and out the door with enough time to pick up coffees and get to the gym on time. 
Recovery is going well, training is focused on postural alignment, glute activation, pelvic & shoulder stability and healing the small separation of my abdominals (one finger now).
This pic is from this morning 18days post partum:

Being gentle with myself and just trying to make it through one day at a time.