As part of CrossFit and as a business owner, I’ve learnt to constantly redefine what you think is possible.
At the beginning of 2017, the year that I turned thirty, I had big plans. I chose a word to define my year, and was careful that it wasn’t “growth” because how could I possibly go through more turbulence? I felt as though I’d grown enough thank you very much.
I’m as yet, unsure whether the years events have helped make me a better person, but they have definitely made me more myself.
To recap, we entered into our fourth year at CrossFit Croydon, driving 45mins each way to work most days (at one stage I was so befuddled I thought there was 8 days in each week…it just doesn't stop!) because I desperately needed to live by the ocean. I didn't count on feeling so lonely and I was incredibly anxious…all.the.time. I was living in fear of my annual winter depression and so I missed out on what could have been an amazing summer.
My moon cycle returned and on our anniversary, I literally thought I would bleed to death. I was struggling with meeting the days challenges, parenting and looking after myself. I felt hurt by my friend’s apparent rejection (story of my life…I’ll get into that in a moment) and things were unstable between Eric and myself.
Winter was another shit storm. We lost 45 athletes, lost friends, I lost myself too…we had no money and our bills had nearly tripled. Despite this, we managed to attend Splendour In the Grass and I stayed on in Byron to reconnect to myself. I had no one to talk to. My dad went and married his partner without inviting me. Eric and I kept fighting. I stopped breastfeeding Reef after 6 years of continual breastfeeding, tandem feeding and donating my breast milk. There’s a story for another blog.
The last few months we have recovered somewhat…our community is thriving and sees value in what we do, Eric created a comp squad which has seen us winning local comps, and I’m so excited to watch everyone perform in the 2018 CrossFit Open. The weather has been good so I’ve felt emotionally more stable. We met Dave Castro and many of the CrossFit HQ team before watching the Aussies cream the Invitationals in Melbourne. There’s been many highlights too.
I have put so much energy into meeting deadlines this year; filming my online program, writing a book, finishing my doula studies and growing our CrossFit community.
So, I have achieved lots and overcome more than I thought possible. My mental health issues still play up, sometimes making me a shitty mother, wife and friend. It’s not an excuse and it’s something I work on everyday. I’m incredibly grateful to everyone who stayed beside me through another tumultuous year, to the friends that have become more like family, and my beautiful children who show me what unconditional love is, and the value of being in the moment.
Here’s to more presence, love and sunshine.