The past week has been a rollercoaster ride. Monday, Wednesday and today have been awesome with the between days feeling flat, and frustrated.
Funny that Monday and Wednesday are my big days at work...we leave at ten past 5am and arrive home anywhere between 8.15-9.30pm. Sometimes I find it easier to HUSTLE, to have a deadline, to rely upon coffee and sheer determination. I wrote down the list of what was stressing me out yesterday (another great suggestion from my girlfriend to clear my mind):
- money, fear of not having enough to get through the next two weeks
- trying to stay positive so that everyone likes me
- having the filming of my 8 week program perfect
- computer marketing/launching online and feeling lost because I do not have computer skills
- feeling impatient, which I believe has something to do with the moon
- disappointment at not easing into a routine or ritual, nor having enough space from the kids
I don't think I am the only mumma that desperately craves some alone time but then the second it is offered, anxiety takes over and I panic so much that I refuse any help...?
Well, this afternoon, E played with the kids so that I could finish my scripting and has taken them to my mummas so that he can train, they can play and I can continue my writing. As they were leaving, I felt familiar panic and overwhelm but lots of cuddles later I realised that my needs are important too and I can put the kids to bed and wake them feeling accomplished.
There really is no such thing as perfect balance, we all struggle with mum guilt, feeling isolated, stressing about finance and loving our selves enough. So my new task is to TAKE the HELP that is OFFERED and always strive to help my mumma tribe as needed.
I'm about to make my own dinner for one and continue writing, this is the luxe life!