The lonely years
At our lululemon talk last week, it was stated that motherhood was one of the lonliest periods in a womans life. It can be an isolating, terrifying, fulfilling and awesome venture.
Today I have had a visit from my beautiful grandparents and a little conversation with a girlfriend via messenger but thats it. I don't have another conversation with an adult until my husband gets home.
Social media makes it worse, not better, and so on my days off I limit myself to checking/posting no more than three times. That means I can run my businesses without FOMO because I'm not scrolling through pages of people holidaying somewhere warm or consuming nothing but supplements...
I'm usually a massive fan of birthdays but this one is approaching wayyyyy to fast and I am dreading it. I haven't got anything planned, I have to work from 6am-8.30pm on the actual day and I'm feeling overwhelmed and well...lonely. I haven't got a best friend to share my celebrations with and while I know that there are worse things in the world, friendship has always been the most important thing to me. It hurts when people move on from spending time with you. It hurts when your love and attention is not returned.
Being a business owner is lonely and so is being a mother. I am both of these 24/7. I also have stupid mental illness which makes me incredibly self conscious and critical, and causes me to isolate myself. As much as it hurts to hear it, I understand I am often the cause of my own suffering.
Some things though have definitely helped me through this time of my life. Obviously creating new routines and rituals with my husband. Being a little more open to hearing each other and making a distinct separation between talking as lovers and talking as business partners.
Starting each day with a gratitude list, and ending each day in reflection...check out my video here www.facebook.com/ohmmumma/?ref=aymt_homepage_panel
Knowing that my evolution as a human is constantly changing, and that sometimes you can only understand your own self once you have been destroyed, completely. That it's in the rebuilding and the fixing and the healing that you get to know who you really are.
"Before you judge someone online, ask yourself:
Am I afraid that other people will think this person is more significant than me?
If the honest answer is yes, remember that your significance is always the love you are channeling into the world." @jordanbach
Finally the thing that I hold on to is the future mental health and present happiness of my children. In my darkest moments of despair, when I feel the world would be better off without me in it, I haul my ass back to the reality that it is my job to instil self worth in my children, to speak to them with kindness, to teach them empathy and compassion as well as passion and perserverance. It is my job to give them a home, to create a life of abundance and love for them to be children in, to help them grow and fail and succeed.
I truly could not give them this without the support of my husband, and while often we don't align emotionally, we do our best to meet each day as it comes, to plan for our future, to stay present, to work hard and work together, to stay positive and change our negative thought patterns.
The reason I have persued my career is not just physical health...I truly believe that when mothers are supported and empowered, when people feel as though they are part of a community, when the community prioritises wellbeing, health and happiness; that this is where children thrive.
We are each important, we each have the right to be here, we each have a devine destiny, we each deserve a life of abundance, and we all deserve a tribe.