Time

There are times as a woman that I feel completely trapped. I have no where to go, no one to call. I'm too much for everyone and not enough of anything good.
I have to smile for the children, have to be interested and excited to run a business, have to keep going no matter how much I just wish I was not here.
Words cut like knives but the feelings are the worst. No one will ever come, no one will save you, no one will ever love you.
How do you re write these thought patterns? How do you change who you are? How do I leave?
I feel as though I make some small progress only to come undone with an insensitive word and then a ramble about how I'm never happy, never positive, too sensitive, too stressed, too much...always.
What do I want? To be who I am. To achieve, to succeed, to thrive, to be loved, to be celebrated, to lift others every single day, to be a great mother, to be desired by my lover, to have rock solid friendships, to spread love in every moment, to change the world, to heal our environment, to make other people's lives better, to be happy, to be enough of the right things and not too much of the other things.